spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Its about making memories worth repressing
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
