Don't make out with my wife yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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