Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize