new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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