mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
