Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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