did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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