A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
