4 words: hood of his car
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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