One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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