I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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