im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
