I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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