Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize