We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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