I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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