Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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