I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
