drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
