Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
