She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
