I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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