My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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