whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize