i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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