All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
