when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
