Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
