Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
