Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
