my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
