chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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