Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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