soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
