I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
