I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
