wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
