I must be too annoying 4 u.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
