No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Randomize
