What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize