If i come over, it means nothing
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
