Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
