yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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