Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
