Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
