Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
