Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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