i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
