My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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