Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
