Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
