It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
