I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
