There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize