I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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