Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
