So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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