Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
