I like my sex mixed with concussions.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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