You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Less talking, more tequila
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
