just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize