just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
