Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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