yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
