you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
