you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
