So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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