Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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