hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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