Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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