I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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