He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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