I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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