so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Never underestimate the power of titties
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize