Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
