Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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