Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
