wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
