You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
