I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
