my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize