I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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