I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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