"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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