I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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