The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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