when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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