I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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