there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
