I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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