I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
