Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
