Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
