Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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