Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
