dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
