You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
