When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Of course I have a pirate flag
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
