She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
