Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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